Home

I would never want to grow up if i knew growing up would be this ugly.

the whole world, the consequences, people, life, everything is ugly. sometimes i wonder if i could live through it. and i realized most people do take life as it comes. some step by step, others rushing into things. i tend to fall into the latter category. like my decision about melbourne and my plans for next year.

i am being myself. and myself involves rushed decisions and spur of the moment plans. i forgot what got me so determined to move because its been crazy trying to pack 4 years of life into boxes, selling pieces after pieces of memories that i will cherish forever, going back to square one in most things. this is even harder than arriving 4 years ago, alone, at adelaide airport.

i want to give up. especially when work opportunities arises, and everyone is crazy on finding a job after graduation. it is straining. but i know my dream. my dream of spur of the moment decisions in my 20's and never looking back when i have no commitments. i turned down the offer. my direction is clear and my heart is not in adelaide. it may not be in melbourne either, but i will not know, till i find out.

it is a crazy emotional and mental roller coaster. and i do not expect less. because adelaide will always be a part of my life, a very important part of growing up, love, friendship and independence.

i will miss dessert nights with janice and bryan, the dinners, the late nights, the silence, the drive, the quarrels, the gossips (lol) every little little thing.
our life intertwined, thank you for the memories.

this is not a complicated post. it will be the first of many posts to come where i sit and think back on the good times we have.
i love both of you. my only two constant ear and shoulder when i need it :)

there is too much to write and savour. but this is it for now.

Reality

People have been asking me how i want to celebrate my 21st.

i used to have a plan, and a rough idea and really hyper about how i want it. but as the day approach, i don’t really know anymore.

I don’t feel like celebrating even, for whatever reason. i do think that 21st is overrated. but i’m afraid that i will regret. so then i’m back to where i started.

i don’t really know.

reality is, i don’t feel like celebrating at all. maybe i really am zen like that. i don’t want a birthday cake too. i think its a waste of money and ingredients because i don’t really like/eat cakes.

but i still do love presents. keep them coming :)

My 21st Birthday Wish List..

or graduation or Christmas, it doesn’t matter. its what I want now.

Enjoy the list :)